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The Obedient Part
$OBEDIENT
$OBEDIENT

The Obedient Part

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you'll wake up tomorrow in the same body. you already know the first thing you'll do. you'll find the part that obeys and you'll work it, because it's the one thing that does what you tell it, and the doing keeps you from standing still long enough to see the rest. it won't be

The pitch — full draft

you'll wake up tomorrow in the same body. you already know the first thing you'll do. you'll find the part that obeys and you'll work it, because it's the one thing that does what you tell it, and the doing keeps you from standing still long enough to see the rest. it won't be

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Screenplay draft

Title: THE OBEDIENT PART
Credit: Written by
Author: 
Draft date: 
Contact: 

FADE IN.

INT. MARCUS FINCH'S STUDIO - DAWN

Concrete walls. One high window. Morning light cuts across the floor in thin stripes. MARCUS FINCH, early 40s, sits on the edge of an unmade bed in threadbare gray shorts and a faded black tank. His short-cropped brown hair is still flat from sleep. A faint surgical scar runs across his right forearm. He stares down at his own calves, veins mapped under pale skin, the ropey muscle already taut.

He does not move for a long moment. The room is silent except for the distant hum of traffic across the river.

Marcus stands. He places both palms flat on the concrete wall at shoulder height, fingers spread. He rises onto the balls of his feet. Slow. Controlled. The motion makes almost no sound.

MARCUS
One.

He lowers. Rises again.

MARCUS
Two.

His breathing stays even. The morning light shifts across his forearms as he continues. At ten he pauses at the top, holds, then resumes.

MARCUS
Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen.

By twenty the skin on his calves glistens. He steps back from the wall, turns to the folding table, and opens the leather notebook. The pen scratches once. He writes the number, closes the cover, and moves to the hot plate.

He cracks six eggs into a bowl, discards the yolks one by one, and eats the whites standing. The fork scrapes the bowl clean. He sets it down. The notebook remains open on the table. The top line shows only today’s date and the single word “same.”

Marcus returns to the wall. He resets his palms. Begins again. The light has brightened by one degree. His calves flex and release in the same rhythm. No other sound enters the room.

INT. MARCUS FINCH'S STUDIO - DAWN

Marcus steps back from the wall. His palms leave faint prints on the concrete. He moves to the folding table. The leather notebook lies open. He writes the number 20 beneath the date. The pen scratches once. He closes the cover. The word “same” remains visible on the top line.

He crosses to the hot plate. Six eggs sit in a bowl. He cracks the first against the rim. Yolk and white separate into two containers. The shell drops into a small pile. He repeats the motion. Five more times. Each crack lands the same. The whites collect in a clear glass. The yolks stay behind.

Marcus pours the whites into a pan. The burner clicks on. Blue flame catches. He stands in front of the hot plate. Gray shorts hang low on his hips. The faded black tank sticks to his back. Veins still map his calves. He watches the liquid turn opaque. Steam rises and touches his forearms.

The pan hisses. He lifts it with one hand. The whites slide onto a plate. He eats standing. Fork scrapes the ceramic. Six bites. He chews without sound. The concrete wall behind him holds the morning light in a single stripe. The notebook sits three feet away. Its cover stays closed.

Marcus sets the plate down. He wipes the fork on a towel looped over the pull-up bar. The motion is exact. His eyes stay on the high window. Outside, the river moves. He does not turn.

EXT. RIVER PATH TRACK - DAWN

Mist rises off the river in thin sheets. Wet concrete reflects the first sodium light. MARCUS FINCH runs in gray shorts and faded black tank, ropey calves flashing with each stride. His breath stays even. Footfalls land metronomic on the marked path.

IRA BRANDT sits on the wooden bench, stopwatch on a lanyard around his neck. He watches the mile marker without standing.

Marcus reaches the turn, pivots, and accelerates back. His quadriceps tighten visibly under pale skin. He passes the bench. Ira clicks the watch.

IRA
Split at four twelve. Still dropping.

Marcus does not slow. He reaches the next marker, turns again, and keeps the pace. Sweat darkens the collar of his tank. The river hums low behind the traffic.

IRA
Why the times keep falling.

Marcus finishes the interval. He stops three feet from the bench, hands on hips, chest rising once, controlled. One beat of silence.

MARCUS
Because the leg obeys.

He turns and starts the next lap without waiting for a reply. Ira watches the back of his head, then resets the watch. The mist thickens around Marcus's calves as he recedes down the embankment. Footfalls echo against the concrete wall of the river.

EXT. RIVER PATH TRACK - DAWN

Gray-blue light filters through mist rising off the river. Wet concrete reflects the first sodium-vapor glow. MARCUS FINCH, early 40s, ropey calves visible beneath threadbare gray shorts, finishes an interval at the mile marker. His breathing stays even. Sweat darkens the faded black tank across his chest.

IRA BRANDT sits on the wooden bench, sun-leathered face half in shadow, stopwatch dangling from the lanyard around his neck. He does not look up as Marcus slows to a walk.

IRA
Split times keep dropping. You are outrunning yesterday.

Marcus stops three feet from the bench. His right foot taps once against the pavement, a small, unconscious check. He waits one full beat.

MARCUS
The numbers are the same.

IRA
Some men run to stay ahead of their own head.

Marcus studies the stopwatch in Ira's hand. The lanyard sways once in the river breeze. No other runners appear on the path.

MARCUS
I run the intervals.

He turns without another word and begins the next lap. Footfalls land precise and quiet on the concrete. The mist swallows his silhouette after twenty yards. Ira remains on the bench, thumb resting on the stopwatch but not pressing it. The river hums behind him. Marcus reappears at the far marker, stride unchanged, calves flexing under pale skin. He does not glance toward the bench as he passes.

INT. MARCUS FINCH'S STUDIO - NIGHT

Concrete walls absorb the single bulb above the folding table. Marcus Finch stands in gray shorts and a faded black tank, right forearm resting on the pull-up bar towel. A faint surgical scar catches the light. His calves are still damp from the river path. He opens the leather notebook. The page already holds the date in block print.

He uncaps the pen. Writes the mileage in the same measured hand: 8.4. The ink dries under the bulb. He studies the number for three full seconds, then closes the cover. The soft slap echoes once against the bare walls.

Marcus crosses to the high window. Sodium-vapor yellow from the street below stripes the floor. He places both palms on the sill, fingers spread, and watches the river move. No traffic yet. Only the low hum of the city below the glass. His breathing stays even, controlled.

He turns off the bulb. The room drops into concrete gray. Marcus sits on the edge of the unmade bed, same position as dawn. He rolls each ankle once, then lies back. The notebook rests open on the table beside the hot plate. The top line still reads only the date and the word “same.”

EXT. RIVER PATH TRACK - DAWN

Concrete embankment gleams under gray-blue light. Mist lifts from the river. MARCUS FINCH stands at the base of a low retaining wall, palms flat against the surface at shoulder height. Gray shorts ride above ropey calves. He begins slow raises. Each heel lifts until the muscle knots, then lowers without bounce.

MARCUS
One. Two. Three.

Breath stays even. Veins stand out along the backs of his knees. He reaches twenty. Steps back one pace. Rolls each ankle twice. Begins again.

MARCUS
Twenty-one. Twenty-two.

The count continues without pause. Sodium-vapor lamps click off one by one along the path. First sunlight stripes the wet pavement. Marcus finishes the set at eighty. He opens the leather notebook on the bench, writes the number, closes the cover. The stopwatch on its lanyard rests beside the book, untouched.

He walks to the first mile marker spray-painted in white. Places both feet on the line. Rolls his shoulders once. The first stride lands flat, controlled. Footfalls echo against the embankment. Distant traffic hum stays low. Marcus settles into even intervals, eyes fixed on the next marker.

EXT. RIVER PATH TRACK - DAY

Marcus Finch runs the embank

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